“The Man in the White Van”

4.2

Save yourself two hours of your life…

It’s aggressively insulting to the intelligence of the audience as it tries to be 6 things at once. It’s “Pride & Prejudice,” as the daughters fight for the right to be married off? Is it a ripoff of “Duel,” the amazing vehicular thriller by Steven Spielberg? Is it a slasher, akin to “Saw” or “Texas Chainsaw Massacre?” The answer is – it tries to be all of these things, and thus fails at all of them. What could have been an amazing premise is pissed away on cheap jump scares, laughable hijinks, and dialogue that sounds like ChatGPT had a stroke.

Instead – enjoy this 38 Special tune (or really any of their catalogue)… they’re mentioned in the movie, and I would have rather watched two hours of their music videos.