“The Sweetest Thing”

6.9

Hey! It’s the guy from “Hung” on HBO! In a movie about as worthy of a parental warning as “Hung.”

I love Cameron Diaz, so this was going to be a winner in my book. The classic “someone with a guarded heart meets their kryptonite” love story with a fun road trip movie mixed in for good measure. The film did get a little in the weeds when it tried to be a musical a couple of times but got back on track to check all of the classic rom-com boxes by the time the credits rolled. The title is spot-on. This film is all frosting and will satisfy your sweet tooth.

The whole thing emits a strong sense of disarming charm. It’s a wonderful, “turn your brain off and watch the unlikely couple fall in love” film.

“New Order”

“Parasite,” but with guns.

Instead of the class war only affecting a household, strap in and get ready to spend the next hour and a half trying not to spill your popcorn as you rush to turn away from a story that turns extremely violent exceptionally quickly. As the country collapses, we follow this family and their… employees… into the madness and the darkness. We watch the growing pains of a nation in transition as one governing party is overthrown and a new one violently installed through force—the struggle between new money and old money. A countries government is in turmoil, under the thumb of a much larger, more sinister old guard that wields the true power. The ending was not at all what I expected when shit began to hit the fan about 20 minutes in. I’m not sure anyone’s a winner in this one.

All things considered, a solid political thriller with well directed action and drama.

“The Resort”

5.1

It’s been a long time since I’ve rooted this firmly for a cast to die so I could be done with watching this mess of a movie. The likeability of the characters is worse than the “Escape Room” franchise. They’re trespassing, breaking every rule, ignoring every warning… they deserve what comes their way. There’s a way to pull off great low-budget horror. This ain’t it. Saved you an hour and a half. (That was the only upside to this movie. it was shockingly short in runtime.)

“Anaconda”

6.2

Seeing as J Lo is making a comeback this week… “Anaconda.”

Were they really trying to riff on “Apocalypse Now?” Hahahahahahaha

If you’re looking for a ridiculous creature feature from the late 1990’s ripping off a horror classic, go watch “Deep Blue Sea.”

Honestly, almost everything was a miss for me on this one. The cast, the plot, the execution. It worked well as a comedy, but I don’t think that’s what anyone was aiming for.

“Escape Room 2: Tournament of Champions”

6.9

If you enjoyed the first one, you’ll enjoy this one.

They borrow an awful lot here… and still manage to crank up the “meh” factor. The “is this the real world or a trap/dream” that Wes Craven perfected with “A Nightmare on Elm Street.” The traps of “Saw.” The “oh no, it’s not really the end” ending that EVERY HORROR MOVIE attempts, but “Ghost Ship” probably perfected. The biggest thing for me was that I did not care about any of these characters… It’s similar to “Saw.” You don’t really care that they die, only that their death is cool.

For your enjoyment, I’ve included some of my favorite non-endings in horror. Let me know if I’ve missed some.