Category: Action

“Everything, Everywhere, All at Once”

8.4

Your move, Dr. Strange. The bar has been set for multiverse movies.

I’m still not precisely positive about how to explain this A24 home run, other than to say you will cycle through all the feels by the time the credits roll. A wonderful tale of family, the meaning of life, and our relationship with others is a wonderfully whimsical adventure across the dimensions to drive the points home. A lot of this runtime will be spent with your jaw on the ground. They take a lot of risks, and they all pay off in the end. Keep up the great work, A24!

Side note – The song you can’t quite place that serves as the film’s title theme is “Absolutely” by Nine Days. Makes about as much sense as everything else. It is, after all… a story of a girl…

“Ambulance”

6.9

For the love of all that is holy… WHO GAVE MICHAEL BAY A DRONE?!?

When this heist goes sideways, our two main characters will commandeer an ambulance and go on a tight quarters drama draped in a Michael Bay action thriller for the ages. In all seriousness, they could not have cast this any better or picked a better director. Just enough story to hold everything together and give Bay an excuse to blow up half of the city of Los Angeles.

It could have been 20-30 minutes shorter, but that would have taken away one too many explosions and unnecessary gunfights, apparently. So turn your brain off and watch the sirens go “whoo!” and everything else go “boom!”

“Moonfall”

7.9

Moon – Fall

Movie – Good

This looked silly on the surface. It had no business being as great as it was. Patrick Wilson and Halle Berry play off each other perfectly, and John Bradley plays a perfect third wheel.

The special effects were gorgeous and just the right amount of insane, which I expected. I didn’t expect, however, how well they would pull off the story. I didn’t expect to care about the plot as much as I did. Disaster movies aren’t famous for making you care about the characters and the world that’s being destroyed. This film perfectly weaves in the peripheral characters and settings in a way that there are actually some stakes, which kept me on the edge of my seat and wholeheartedly along for this other-worldly ride from beginning to end.

“Morbius”

6.1

Jared Leto… Why do we keep letting him do this? Of course, it was Sony letting him crap all over a Marvel offshoot, but still. After his caricature act in “House of Gucci,” I thought we were putting him in time out. I guess I thought wrong. Tyrese is the best actor in this… Tyrese… From the “Fast and the Furious” franchise.

This film is a hot mess. Unfortunately, similar to the Venom films, they still can’t figure out what they want to do, so they just sling a bunch of things at the screen and hope something sticks, only to allow things to become overly-complicated blobs of mediocrity. Which, coincidently, is also a solid explanation of the CGI in these films. It’s an unfortunate combination of everything that people tend to hate about superhero movies, cranked to eleven.

Please… Just sell the rights to Marvel Studios and let them handle it. Please.

“The Northman”

7.8

When strange things happen in your camp, blame the Christians. Because “their god is a corpse nailed to a tree,” so they can’t be trusted. Odin is the only deity to be trusted in these parts.

This was a wild two-and-a-half-hour ride. Somewhere between “Gladiator” and “The Witch,” this film combines gorgeous landscape shots with action portrayed in such complete darkness you’ll swear that you are watching “The Batman.”

Luckily, after our hero repeatedly gets his ass kicked, Ana Taylor-Joy is there with her magical healing powers to nurse him back to health. After the throat-singing prophet in the cave took some hallucinogens and foretold a great journey for him in the form of a riddle.

If you’re looking for a tale of revenge, I’d probably go for “John Wick,” seeing as it’s a tad shorter and more exciting. However, if you’re looking for a shining example of playing the long con this side of “Gladiator,” look no further. It doubles as motivation to do 300 sit-ups when you get home. This guy’s 8-pack is impressive. I’d suggest doing the sit-ups to the soundtrack. It’s non-stop hype music.