Category: Action

“New Order”

“Parasite,” but with guns.

Instead of the class war only affecting a household, strap in and get ready to spend the next hour and a half trying not to spill your popcorn as you rush to turn away from a story that turns extremely violent exceptionally quickly. As the country collapses, we follow this family and their… employees… into the madness and the darkness. We watch the growing pains of a nation in transition as one governing party is overthrown and a new one violently installed through force—the struggle between new money and old money. A countries government is in turmoil, under the thumb of a much larger, more sinister old guard that wields the true power. The ending was not at all what I expected when shit began to hit the fan about 20 minutes in. I’m not sure anyone’s a winner in this one.

All things considered, a solid political thriller with well directed action and drama.

“Anaconda”

6.2

Seeing as J Lo is making a comeback this week… “Anaconda.”

Were they really trying to riff on “Apocalypse Now?” Hahahahahahaha

If you’re looking for a ridiculous creature feature from the late 1990’s ripping off a horror classic, go watch “Deep Blue Sea.”

Honestly, almost everything was a miss for me on this one. The cast, the plot, the execution. It worked well as a comedy, but I don’t think that’s what anyone was aiming for.

“Escape Room 2: Tournament of Champions”

6.9

If you enjoyed the first one, you’ll enjoy this one.

They borrow an awful lot here… and still manage to crank up the “meh” factor. The “is this the real world or a trap/dream” that Wes Craven perfected with “A Nightmare on Elm Street.” The traps of “Saw.” The “oh no, it’s not really the end” ending that EVERY HORROR MOVIE attempts, but “Ghost Ship” probably perfected. The biggest thing for me was that I did not care about any of these characters… It’s similar to “Saw.” You don’t really care that they die, only that their death is cool.

For your enjoyment, I’ve included some of my favorite non-endings in horror. Let me know if I’ve missed some.

“The Forever Purge”

7.6

I think they finally figured out how to make a great Purge movie!

The beginning got a little on the nose, which I’ve come to expect from this series. There are a couple of points where the narrative trips over itself. But I’ll be damned; they land the plane. And we finally get to wade up to our eyeballs in actual purge happenings!

The characters fit surprisingly well together, and there is an excellent twist on the usual purge film plot. I really came to care about the characters and not root for their untimely death. And… I didn’t want to walk out halfway through this one like I did the last one.

“F9”

7.7

Cards on the table – I would have preferred 2 hours of Tyreese and Ludacris in Space Pontiac Fiero, just making quips and being badass.

I’m only rating it this highly because I knew what I was getting when I went in. The fact that this monstrosity is making the film festival circuit has to be mentioned in the book of Revelations somewhere.

Get ready for narrative whiplash worse than the characters would suffer if they had to obey the laws of physics. Vin Diesel is yet again the only person on the planet still taking these things serious, and decides to take you on a trip to sadsville every time things start to get fun. To the academy: don’t give him an Oscar. Don’t encourage him.

It’s a great action film, and pure spectacle. The “turn off your brain and watch the cars go boom” we’ve all come to expect. Try to forget he’s making a 10th one and decided to piss away all of the goodwill regarding a certain situation from Fast 7. I’m still shaking my head thinking about the decision to greenlight the storyline in this one.

Fasten your seatbelts, and get ready for another 2.5 hour globe-trotting superspy action film. Or, you know, go watch “Tokyo Drift” or something.

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Fast and Furious Family Meme
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