6.1
Bring your sunglasses and Excedrin.
Category: Horror/Thriller
6.8
In the most sarcastic tone I can muster, “I did NOT see that coming!”
As the movie shares in its conclusion, quoting Matthew 7:15, “Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.”
Simple mix-up. No way the Vatican could have known that there could be someone else named Mary… perhaps a witch who was hung, burned, her soul trapped in a doll for eternity.
For as silly as the story was on paper, it’s executed well by the cast. Some genuine moments of terrorizing tension, jump scares that made me jump, and a real emotional connection to the core cast in their struggle with the dark side. Cary Elwes is coming into his own as a bad guy since “Saw.” Cricket Brown shines as Alice, the second hearing impaired main character who is essential to the story and becomes the story’s emotional core with the fewest words almost effortlessly that I’ve seen this week. (The other being Kaylee Hottle as Gia in “Kong vs. Godzilla”)
Not amazing, not terrible. Solid horror flick that was clearly released on Good Friday for a reason.
6.2
At least your ass will look good in the jeans they’ll have to bury you in. Sisterhood of the killer pants. Unbearable characters whose deaths you root for because they’re terrible people. A ridiculous premise that leads to some hilariously horrifying hijinks within the Aeropostale knock-off that’s under lockdown… for a new product release… for some reason? Don’t expect it to make much sense. Do expect some solid laughter at the absurdity. Turn your brain off and watch the deadly denim do its thing.
5.9
Spoiler alert: No, they’re not.
If you thought this weird computer screen horror genre was dead… think again. And not in a good way. Ugh…
It may just be that it uses way too many COVID buzzwords in the script and just fatigue of virtual meetings in general. Or that the movie was just so freaking lazy. Poorly acted. Just… don’t. It’s kind of rough.
6.8
Middle of the road. The story is kind of lacking and predictable in nature. The jump scares were well crafted in their timing and framing. The cinematography is well used to establish and manage tension levels as the story unfolds. One thing I took away, if nothing else: I have never heard so much bone crunching in my entire life of watching movies. Or in general. I’m not sure chiropractors hear this much bone cracking in a day.
Brett Garten, Movie Extraordinare 