Brett Garten, Movie Extraordinare
Cinematic Sommelier
7.2
Eli Roth written all over it. The traps of “Saw,” the gore of “Hostel,” the clowns of “It.” All in all, this was exactly what I expected of it. No more, no less. A lean, mean haunted house themed thriller full of jump scares, spooky music, and a healthy dose of “what the hell?!?” factor. Solid addition to spooky season.
6.6
Samara Weaving’s audition tape for “Ready or Not.” A cross between zombie film and “The Belko Experiment.” A solid purge-style blood soaked kill fest film. Very dated dialogue, but it just adds to the film’s charm in my opinion.
6.2
It’s just like every other buddy cop movie… except… he’s… a zombie! *shocked face*
Pure 80’s. You can’t greenlight this without a Scarface sized pile of cocaine coursing through your veins. It’s a thing of beauty. More quips than a Marvel movie. Cheesy special effects. Turn your brain off and enjoy.
6.1
Who uses a power drill? Did they run out of machetes and every other useful weapon at the hardware store this wannabe Michael Myers was shopping at prior to his murderous rampage? I mean, for the sake of efficiency, he at least is smart enough to target a slumber party. Classic trashy slasher flick. Laughed through most of it at the absurdity, and left entertained.
4.5
No, not the kickass Bruce Lee one. The boring, lazy wannabe original horror film.
I feel like they were going for something entertaining and original, but it just ended up being laughable. I ended up laughing more than anything. Thankfully, the runtime was short. Only a little over an hour of my life I can never get back.
Brett Garten, Movie Extraordinare 