Brett Garten, Movie Extraordinare
Cinematic Sommelier
6.5
All 6.5 points are for Ana De Armas. She’s phenomenal and deserves every bit of praise and all the awards for this one. Everything else about this film was unnecessary and uncomfortable, to put it mildly. I believe they were aiming for portraying the harsh reality of Marilyn’s life, but it goes overboard. It blows past the line that “Showgirls” drew in the sand. And that’s saying something.
6.5
It was… okay?
Some funny moments, some funny characters. Ultimately forgettable. It may very well be that it was too early for a COVID movie. It could be that it was just the Netflix effect of moving ever-closer to the “everything for everyone” genre and losing their edge on many of their products, leading to the “meh, it killed some time” feeling as the credits roll.
7.4
It’s female “John Wick.” That’s all you really need to know.
8.2
They had it… They freaking had it!!! Why does everything have to have franchise potential?!?!
The narrative momentum, the closure we all yearn for in conclusion, the goodwill we build as an audience interacting with these characters… all taken out back and shot. Can I hold a seance and time travel to a point in time where I forget how much I despise this ending?
Aside from the way they crash-landed the plane, this series was spectacular. The way it built tension, caused me to care about the characters, and kept me on the edge of my seat was everything I could have asked for in a Netflix series based on a podcast. Then it ended with me angrily yelling at my TV.
I filed this one alongside “Censor” and “Broadcast Signal Intrusion” as one of the best pieces of original horror/thriller material in the past two or three years. I’d take the “what the hell was that?!?” ending of “Censor” over this. They lost a full point based on the ending.
6.5
Was this a confusing take on the franchise? Yes.
Was this the best “Texas Chainsaw” film? No.
Was this the worst “Texas Chainsaw” film? Also no.
As the credits roll, you realize that Netflix may have been out past its skis on this one. This one is towards the bottom in a sea of phenomenal horror reboots. And Netflix can handle making great horror films and series. That part puzzled me quite a bit. If you’re here for the story or to see the franchise branch out and bloom, you’re going to be disappointed. However, if you want to see Leatherface mow down a sea of hipsters threatening him with being canceled as they record their untimely demise on their smartphones, then this is the movie for you. By far some of the most violent and creative kills in the entire series. Following in the footsteps of the other recent horror reboots, this movie gets very creative in the death department.
If you can make it past the first 20-25 minutes of one of the more clunky liftoffs I’ve seen on the screen in a LONG time… You won’t hate it.
Brett Garten, Movie Extraordinare 