Blockbuster – Page 5 – Brett Garten, Movie Extraordinare

“Civil War”

By Brett_G on April 11, 2024April 11, 2024

3.0

… And all of those points are for the soundtrack. That’s it.

53 movies in. I’m calling it. WORST of the year. In the running for worst of the decade. It’s up there with “Cats.”

I’ll save you 2 hours of your life you can never get back. Don’t do it. 2 hours is an INSANE runtime for this genre, but then they make it 2 hours of violent torture porn. I don’t need to see you sprinkling Lime powder on a mass grave. There’s no need for this movie to exist. Don’t give me any analysis about this having a deeper meaning or societal commentary. I call bullshit. This makes “The Hunt” and “The Purge: Election Year” look Oscar-worthy. A shovel to the face would have been more subtle than this movie trying to make a point. I’m actually surprised that wasn’t a scene here. I can’t drag this movie enough. A24… come on… get your shit together.

Action Blockbuster

“Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire”

By Brett_G on April 7, 2024March 30, 2024

7.2

“Godzilla Minus 1” really ruined the U.S. version of these films for me. The differences in cultural maturity and taste are so glaring now. We’ve turned a beloved Japanese figure into “Fast & Furious” with monsters. It’s popcorn flick to its core and “turn your brain off and watch the monkey fight the lizard” filmmaking at its finest. Zero stakes, zero character development, zero sense. All gas, no brakes. See it on a giant screen or in 3D if you can.

Action Blockbuster Science Fiction

“Dune 2”

By Brett_G on March 25, 2024March 23, 2024

7.5

If you enjoyed the first one, you’ll enjoy this one. In the spirit of that consistency, here’s my review for “Dune 1” again, with a few numerical changes for it being part 2…

The prodigal son is cast out into the desert. Let me guess, for 40 days?

Yes, the Jesus metaphor is that on the nose for all 3 hours of the runtime.

I went into this film expecting spectacle, and spectacle I got. All three stories of the IMAX screen were bathed in the cinematic beauty of this film. The score crafted by the masterful Hans Zimmer thundering through my chest… all for me to leave the theater underwhelmed and confused. Similar to the “Hobbit” series, “Dune” attempted to be too careful not to overwhelm the audience with lore and instead errors on the side of feeling ultimately empty. The disbelief and shock on my face when I was greeted with “Part 2” immediately after the title flashed across the screen must have been a sight to see.

This cake is all frosting. Somewhere between “Star Wars” and “Mad Max,” the world they build is breathtaking. Then there’s nothing really behind the curtain. I felt like they were trying to avoid the cramped confusion of the cult-classic original film adaptation and overcorrected.

If you don’t care about the story, have at it. Just don’t disrespect it by watching on a TV or, God forbid, a mobile device. Highly recommend the most massive screen possible for the spectacle factor. Here’s to, I guess, hoping there’s enough box office success for them to fill in the gaps in part 3.

Action Blockbuster Science Fiction

“Ghost Busters: Frozen Empire”

By Brett_G on March 24, 2024March 24, 2024

7.4

So… it’s not as bad as everyone keeps whining about. Thank God. I couldn’t handle another “Madame Web” this soon after.

My biggest gripes were the pacing in some spots and Phoebe Spangler being a complete dumbass for 5 minutes. It went against everything else her character is supposed to be and had strongly established. It just felt forced. But other than those two things, it’s a solid modern blockbuster. Complete with the triumphant return of the third act sky beam!

The villain was pretty cool, and the nostalgia was laid on as thick as humanly possible – a perfect combination for a self-aware franchise that knows not to take itself too seriously. Was it absolutely necessary? No. But it was an enjoyable popcorn flick, and that’s what we all need from time to time. Not everything has to contend for an Oscar.

Action Blockbuster

“Madame Web”

By Brett_G on February 16, 2024February 16, 2024

5.4

You can put Sydney Sweeney in glasses all you want movie… I still noticed she was in a schoolgirl outfit… “dorky” did not overpower the hot. Do better. The pigeonholing of what could have been interesting characters as caricatures was insulting.

It’s really as bad as you’ve heard. I was hoping to prove the tide wrong, but I can’t do the mental gymnastics. I could point out 3-4 different exact points where I’ll wager the walk-outs are happening. And half of them aren’t even the plot, they were the nauseating action. There were more jump cuts and camera tricks than Liam Neeson hopping the fence in “Taken 3.” This made Michael Bay’s “Transformers” choreography look artistic in comparison.

“The Room” (yes, that one) has a more coherent plot and better developed characters. Half of this movie is shot with the actors facing away from camera so that they could voiceover to try and patch things together in post.

The soundtrack is pretty sweet. I’ll give it that. And it had promise. There was so much potential to work with… but when you botch the “with great power, comes great responsibility” speech and force the audience to spend most of the runtime trying not to hurl from the cinematography… you’re gonna have a bad time.