Brett Garten, Movie Extraordinare
Cinematic Sommelier
7.2
Better than expected… not that it was a high bar.
Definitely some iteration of dollar store “Final Destination.” That being said, it did just enough to overcome that and be its own thing by the end, which I greatly appreciated. There were a lot of cliche scenes, but that’s to be expected in a low budget horror film. Turn your brain off, and watch karma do it’s thing via ancient magical MacGuffin.
7.6
How did they not see this coming? Seriously…
I fully expected this to be super stupid, however it somehow landed at silly instead. A surprisingly good thriller and hit the mark as exactly what I wanted. Monkey kills people for a tight hour and a half. Laughs, thrills, and monkey business. No more, no less. Chef’s kiss.
6.9
The things you find in the depths of Amazon Prime Video… The schlock that makes even Shudder blush.
That brings us to “Zombeavers,” which delivers in kind on its promise for zombie beavers! Turn your brain off and watch the hilarity ensue as this merry band of brainless misfits gets picked off by, you guessed it, zombified beavers! With the production value of an adult film… often also with the script quality of an adult film… you’ll feel better about your next film choice, having had your palate thoroughly cleansed by this legendary piece of art.
8.2
I really dug the homages to past horror movies in this one! Going full “Nightmare on Elm St.” allowed the story to blossom nicely to a whole other level of terrorizing fun. Ethan Hawke continues to be genuinely terrifying as the Grabber, who gets a well fleshed out backstory in this installment. Really well crafted scares and tension you could cut with a knife. Everything you loved from the first, and more. All without losing its charm.
7.2
This will now be what I imagine when my girlfriend says she wants to get closer…
Body horror at its finest with the weirdest, yet perfect Hollywood couple who are the only two I can think of who could pull of this insanity. If you have a weak stomach, bring a barf bag. This one doesn’t hold back. The most moist thing I’ve seen since “The Substance.” Don’t say I didn’t warn you… it gets WEIRD.
Brett Garten, Movie Extraordinare 