Streaming – Brett Garten, Movie Extraordinare

“Terrifier”

By Brett_G on October 31, 2022

6.5

The full introduction to Art the clown. One of the most unsettling horror characters in recent memory. Similar to Bill Skarsgard, I don’t know how David Howard Thornton can pull off some of the acting he does in this movie, especially facial expressions. It’s art in motion.

Definitely nothing high budget here, but some fantastic practical effects that Hollywood has unfortunately shied away from in recent years. A good old fashioned slasher movie. People die, and there’s blood. Lots of blood.

Horror/Thriller Streaming

“X Ray” (Hospital Massacre)

By Brett_G on October 31, 2022October 31, 2022

5.9

I spent most of the runtime uttering one of two phrases: “That’s not how that works” or “she didn’t have to be naked for that.”

Enjoy this wannabe “Halloween 2” that unfortunately ends up being fairly forgettable, despite the valiant efforts of Barbi Benton.

Peacock Rom-Com Streaming

“Marry Me”

By Brett_G on February 25, 2022February 20, 2022

7.7

To quote my man Owen Wilson, “Wow.”

This was much better than expected! A cinematic flashback to a time when quality rom-coms were regularly showing in theaters and not relegated to my Netflix watchlist. Not that Netflix hasn’t carried the torch admirably, but I miss these being on the big screen this time of year to inspire us all to be a little more open and vulnerable with each other. To take a wild leap of faith. They’re adult fairytales that inspire us to get a little out past our skis every once in a while. Sometimes those wild shots in the dark lead to beautifully fulfilling destinations.

A reasonably unlikely pair, but a potent reminder of the charm of Owen Wilson and the humanity of J-Lo. Well done by all involved!

Horror/Thriller Streaming

“Paranormal Activity: Next of Kin”

By Brett_G on November 1, 2021November 1, 2021

7.2

Here at BGME, we judge “Paranormal Activity” films by the quality of their last 20 minutes. In that vein, this one is one of the best of the series.

In one of the stranger turns of the series, we see our couple venture into the snow-covered forest to explore the origins of our protagonist Margot. Shocker, she hails from a cult. (Shocked Face) There are bonfires, a hole-in-the-ground portal to Hell, strange extended relatives, and a tie-in to the original saga. This one checks all of the boxes after committing all of the jump scare reliance that the originals do. You take the good with the bad, and you get a decent scary movie about some paranormal activity.

Amazon Prime Horror/Thriller Streaming

“Eaten Alive”

By Brett_G on October 21, 2021October 16, 2021

5.1

“A new horror classic” for all of the wrong reasons.

This was somewhere between painful to watch and laughable. It misses the mark that the original “Texas Chainsaw Massacre” nailed. It succeeds in making the viewer uncomfortable, but not much else. The alligator is an interesting creature choice, and could have been great on the heels of JAWS’s success, but this film didn’t quite have the budget, directorial direction, or intent as that legendary series. If it resembles any of them, it’s the ridiculousness of “JAWS: The Revenge.” Grindhouse filmmaking at its finest!