7.7
Jason Statham does Jason Statham things. Need I say more?
Category: Blockbuster
7.7
Not sure which was worse. Henry Cavill’s CGI mouth in “Justice League” or his haircut in this…
I was really worried during the first 45 minutes of this one. Thankfully, it took off after the first act and ended up being a really well done spy thriller romance by the time the credits rolled. Sam Rockwell can save anything. The man may not always be a lead on the marquee, but he’s a lead in our hearts. Similar to Bob Odenkirk in 2021’s “Nobody,” I never had Rockwell as the James Bond type, but I’ll be damned, he pulls it off and then some in this one! The chemistry between him and Bryce Dallas Howard was, dare I say it, even better than the “Jurassic World” trilogy.
It’s Matthew Vaughn at the helm, so you know the action will be beautiful and the soundtrack eclectic. Both promised delivered on here from beginning to end. There was so much under the hood of this one that I was not expecting, and pleasantly surprised by. The twist leading into the third act dropped my jaw, right before learning the true meaning behind the Beatles song in the background the whole time punched me in the gut. Highly recommend for a fun, albeit long sitting in the cinema!
6.1
Ladies and gentlemen, we have our first bomb of the year!
What could have been an interesting plot is sufficiently squandered by the time the credits roll. We didn’t need this movie. Let alone the tired Russia vs. U.S. plot. The sad state of space CGI. Mediocre execution. Maybe it’s just that “Interstellar” set too high of a bar, and movies since are just struggling to catch up?
Nothing against the cast. They tried. There was just nothing to work with here. The only bright spot was that it was on an hour and a half of my life I can’t get back.
8.1
Far better than any of the U.S. Godzilla films. This film has stakes and substance in abundance. Well worth the subtitles.
The first 10-15 minutes of this film are truly ruthless. Where our American counterparts suffer from fear of alienating audiences, opting to play it safe, this film goes for broke at every opportunity. It delivers a much deeper message about the human experience and harkens back to the original themes of the Godzilla franchise, grappling with our use of technology and obsession with progress without regard for collateral damage and general consequences.
For such a small budget, this film also looks absolutely gorgeous, even in its destruction. The attention to detail and creativity is evident in almost every frame, and there’s a collective sense of care put into the craft that comes across throughout the entire runtime. An all-time blockbuster on the year!
5.1
Let me save you three hours of your life you can never get back. It’s… it’s bad.
For that runtime, it felt rushed, confusing, and in the end, lackluster. The battle scenes had hints of greatness, but were plagued with CGI that makes Marvel look masterful. And sex scenes that make “The Room” look romantic.
With the subtlety of a sledgehammer, let Ridley Scott drag you through a script of Napoleon’s life that feels like someone read the Amazon synopsis of a memoir, drag 6 Red Bulls, did a line of cocaine, and wrote in crayon before lighting the script on fire and just telling Joaquin Phoenix to “do Joker stuff” while dressed in a French military outfit.
Did that last paragraph not make sense? Well, you now know the feeling of leaving the theater after this one, but I saved you approximately 2 hours and 57 minutes of your life. You’re welcome.
P.S. The British had BOATS! So not fair!
P.P.S. The first word in the below trailer is “Long.” That sums it up pretty well. Freudian slip by the marketing department at Apple Studios.
Brett Garten, Movie Extraordinare 