Throwback – Page 6 – Brett Garten, Movie Extraordinare

“Something Borrowed”

By Brett_G on April 22, 2021April 25, 2021

4.5

As a romantic comedy connoisseur, I really hate to do this, but here we go…

This movie is asinine. (I contemplated a f**k filled review, but then Facebook doesn’t like me)

Why did Dex ever get with Darcy in the first place? Why did Rachel stay friends with Darcy after she hijacked a first date and stole Dax? Why did Dax never ask questions? Why is anyone friends with Darcy? How are Rachel and Dax successful as lawyers? They fold like cheap lawn chairs under the slightest pressure. How in the hell does Rachel actually take Dax back after everything? How was THAT a happily ever after? This movie just pissed me off for the entire runtime. But I trudged through it, so you might not have to.

John Krasinski is the only redeeming character here. And the movie takes great pleasure in narratively kicking him in the testicles at every turn. These 2 hours were more painful than watching him wait years for Pam.

Comedy Throwback

“Mannequin”

By Brett_G on April 21, 2021April 21, 2021

9.5

One of the strangest movies ever made. One of my favorite movies ever made.

Unabashedly itself.

A movie about an ancient Egyptian princess whose consciousness is transported to 1987 into a mannequin, which only comes to life for the gentleman who assembled her. They find each other, together find trouble, and in the end, find true love. All set to a soundtrack that oozes 80’s nostalgia. What more can you ask for?

Kim Cattrall… enough said. For a love story between a man and a dummy, the chemistry is off the charts. They have a perfectly playful rapport. Everyone is just the right amount of “in on the joke.” It’s lightning in a bottle, the likes of which only come around once or twice in a generation. “Hot Tub Time Machine” of the late ’80s. Probably a healthy dose of cocaine, too.

Suspense/Thriller Throwback

“The Thing”

By Brett_G on November 2, 2020

7.1

Well, the title isn’t lying. There is a thing, and it does some things. Great special effects. Great acting by all involved. The very sense of paranoia we’re all trying to escape nowadays, for two hours put to film. Insanity. Also, the most moist film this side of “Society.” When in doubt, kill it with fire!

Horror/Thriller Throwback

“Freddy Vs. Jason”

By Brett_G on October 21, 2020

7.8

One of the most significant heavyweight bouts of all time! Such a cinematic treat to see these two legends sharing the big screen, shedding blood, and racking up a body count. I can’t imagine how insane this sounded when it came out. Arguably, one of the most substantial entries in both anthologies. Just in time for spooky season. Turn your brain off, and watch let the madness begin!

A well-balanced narrative, pinning the strengths of each against each other. Brain and brawn. Mano a mano. Take a trip down Elm Street, all the way to Camp Crystal Lake. A great time is to be had by all. You won’t want to sleep through this one—especially the end.

Comedy Throwback

“Fired Up!”

By Brett_G on October 10, 2020

9.1

“Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.” – John Lennon

Not loving this movie is prohibidado!

In the vein of “American Pie,” “Bring It On,” and “Van Wilder,” our two heroes Nick and Shaun are on a… conquest of sorts, and have the genius idea to skip football camp for cheer camp. Once there, they realize the world of competitive cheer is much more cutthroat than they initially thought. Shaun poops where he eats, and falls for the incomparable Carly. Nick must then help him defeat the knob rocket Doctor Dick to win her heart once and for all. Definitely not the love story you expect to be in this movie looking at it on the surface.

By far one of the strangest films on my all-time favorites list, but a true classic. Super quotable, and endless laughs. Warm up your spirit fingers, and ready your squad for the forbidden Fountain of Troy.

“10 and a half pop-o… 11 in Crocs.”