Category: Throwback

“Anaconda”

6.2

Seeing as J Lo is making a comeback this week… “Anaconda.”

Were they really trying to riff on “Apocalypse Now?” Hahahahahahaha

If you’re looking for a ridiculous creature feature from the late 1990’s ripping off a horror classic, go watch “Deep Blue Sea.”

Honestly, almost everything was a miss for me on this one. The cast, the plot, the execution. It worked well as a comedy, but I don’t think that’s what anyone was aiming for.

“Almost Famous”

7.9

I’m going to be honest, Paul Stanley on twitter raving about this film brought me here. Kate Hudson and Phillip Seymour Hoffman at the height of their powers kept me glued to the screen the entire time.

Such an amazing coming of age story alongside a character study of the many sides of friendship, fame and fortune. It felt like “Everybody Wants Some” and “Dazed and Confused.” With a little bit of “Spinal Tap” and “Rock Star” mixed in. Any movie that takes a sidetrack to the infamous “riot house” in L.A. is going to be a good story to see. For me, it was the perfectly balanced cast that took things to another level. You have the unhinged nature of 90% of the characters, moored to wisdom and reality by Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Frances McDormand. Oh, and the soundtrack is an absolute banger. Wall to wall classic rock hits.

“The Toy”

7.2

What starts out as highly problematic actually sticks the landing as a hilarious, heartfelt tale of friendship and personal growth. Jackie Gleason and Richard Pryor at the height of their powers. Pryor and Scott Schwartz have great chemistry together on screen as they melt the cold heart of Master Bates’s “throw money at the problem” father. This really shouldn’t work as well as it does, but it knocks it out of the park and is one of the great hidden gems of the ’80s on this page. “I’m going to hell for laughing at this” humor at its finest.

“Something Borrowed”

4.5

As a romantic comedy connoisseur, I really hate to do this, but here we go…

This movie is asinine. (I contemplated a f**k filled review, but then Facebook doesn’t like me)

Why did Dex ever get with Darcy in the first place? Why did Rachel stay friends with Darcy after she hijacked a first date and stole Dax? Why did Dax never ask questions? Why is anyone friends with Darcy? How are Rachel and Dax successful as lawyers? They fold like cheap lawn chairs under the slightest pressure. How in the hell does Rachel actually take Dax back after everything? How was THAT a happily ever after? This movie just pissed me off for the entire runtime. But I trudged through it, so you might not have to.

John Krasinski is the only redeeming character here. And the movie takes great pleasure in narratively kicking him in the testicles at every turn. These 2 hours were more painful than watching him wait years for Pam.

“Mannequin”

9.5

One of the strangest movies ever made. One of my favorite movies ever made.

Unabashedly itself.

A movie about an ancient Egyptian princess whose consciousness is transported to 1987 into a mannequin, which only comes to life for the gentleman who assembled her. They find each other, together find trouble, and in the end, find true love. All set to a soundtrack that oozes 80’s nostalgia. What more can you ask for?

Kim Cattrall… enough said. For a love story between a man and a dummy, the chemistry is off the charts. They have a perfectly playful rapport. Everyone is just the right amount of “in on the joke.” It’s lightning in a bottle, the likes of which only come around once or twice in a generation. “Hot Tub Time Machine” of the late ’80s. Probably a healthy dose of cocaine, too.