Category: Throwback

“The Toy”

7.2

What starts out as highly problematic actually sticks the landing as a hilarious, heartfelt tale of friendship and personal growth. Jackie Gleason and Richard Pryor at the height of their powers. Pryor and Scott Schwartz have great chemistry together on screen as they melt the cold heart of Master Bates’s “throw money at the problem” father. This really shouldn’t work as well as it does, but it knocks it out of the park and is one of the great hidden gems of the ’80s on this page. “I’m going to hell for laughing at this” humor at its finest.

“Something Borrowed”

4.5

As a romantic comedy connoisseur, I really hate to do this, but here we go…

This movie is asinine. (I contemplated a f**k filled review, but then Facebook doesn’t like me)

Why did Dex ever get with Darcy in the first place? Why did Rachel stay friends with Darcy after she hijacked a first date and stole Dax? Why did Dax never ask questions? Why is anyone friends with Darcy? How are Rachel and Dax successful as lawyers? They fold like cheap lawn chairs under the slightest pressure. How in the hell does Rachel actually take Dax back after everything? How was THAT a happily ever after? This movie just pissed me off for the entire runtime. But I trudged through it, so you might not have to.

John Krasinski is the only redeeming character here. And the movie takes great pleasure in narratively kicking him in the testicles at every turn. These 2 hours were more painful than watching him wait years for Pam.

“Mannequin”

9.5

One of the strangest movies ever made. One of my favorite movies ever made.

Unabashedly itself.

A movie about an ancient Egyptian princess whose consciousness is transported to 1987 into a mannequin, which only comes to life for the gentleman who assembled her. They find each other, together find trouble, and in the end, find true love. All set to a soundtrack that oozes 80’s nostalgia. What more can you ask for?

Kim Cattrall… enough said. For a love story between a man and a dummy, the chemistry is off the charts. They have a perfectly playful rapport. Everyone is just the right amount of “in on the joke.” It’s lightning in a bottle, the likes of which only come around once or twice in a generation. “Hot Tub Time Machine” of the late ’80s. Probably a healthy dose of cocaine, too.

“The Thing”

7.1

Well, the title isn’t lying. There is a thing, and it does some things. Great special effects. Great acting by all involved. The very sense of paranoia we’re all trying to escape nowadays, for two hours put to film. Insanity. Also, the most moist film this side of “Society.” When in doubt, kill it with fire!

“Freddy Vs. Jason”

7.8

One of the most significant heavyweight bouts of all time! Such a cinematic treat to see these two legends sharing the big screen, shedding blood, and racking up a body count. I can’t imagine how insane this sounded when it came out. Arguably, one of the most substantial entries in both anthologies. Just in time for spooky season. Turn your brain off, and watch let the madness begin!

A well-balanced narrative, pinning the strengths of each against each other. Brain and brawn. Mano a mano. Take a trip down Elm Street, all the way to Camp Crystal Lake. A great time is to be had by all. You won’t want to sleep through this one—especially the end.