Brett Garten, Movie Extraordinare
Cinematic Sommelier
6.5
This may be the most by the numbers “last summer before moving away to collegeā movie I’ve ever seen.
If you enjoy 80’s hair bands and want a new film to watch from that genre, here it is. Not much else to elaborate on. It was exactly what I expected. No more, no less.
7.2
This is one of the strangest films of the year. By a long shot. Who pitched this?
With the subtlety of a punch to the face, this moving tells the tale of a city coming together to worship their adopted messiah, Rocky Balboa. In a better mob movie than “The Many Saints of Newark,” we follow a wannabe restaurant (or catering business) owner rising against his childhood nemesis while his sons conquer their own adversaries, all connecting with the eye of the tiger fighting spirit of the Italian Stallion.
Yo Adrian. This movie is absolutely ridiculous, but it’s got heart. It’s got a lot of fight left in it. It’ll leave you in disbelief of your own inspiration as the credits roll. Looking for something off the wall? There’s nothing more random than round-the-clock screenings of Rocky 3 bringing a community together. Gotta love the power of cinema.
Spoiler alert: My man gets the girl.
6.4
Similar to “Cannibal Holocaust,” I had to hunt down an unofficial official blu-ray of this online. How was this not on Shudder?! Anyway, there is a reason for that. It’s a strange one. Very moist.
Before Sam Neil was busy auditing theme parks (“Jurassic Park”), he was working for the government in a job more mysterious than Barney Stinson’s. He leaves this high-paying job to move back in with his… wife(?) and young son, only to find that there’s something amiss. I’m not entirely sure how to even explain it. Overall, the moral of the story is “Don’t stick your dick in crazy.” I know most slashers kill teenagers for doing the deed, but this takes it to a whole other level. Everyone who enters that sacred temple ends up mangled by the end of the film. This is what happens when curiosity drives one of my weekend watch picks.
Fun fact: Isabelle Adjani, the lead actress with the hypnotizing blue eyes that lure you in as a viewer almost as strongly as men into her trap in the story, was once married to actor Daniel Day Lewis.
5.1
It’s been a long time since I’ve rooted this firmly for a cast to die so I could be done with watching this mess of a movie. The likeability of the characters is worse than the “Escape Room” franchise. They’re trespassing, breaking every rule, ignoring every warning… they deserve what comes their way. There’s a way to pull off great low-budget horror. This ain’t it. Saved you an hour and a half. (That was the only upside to this movie. it was shockingly short in runtime.)
8.7
Get ready to cry…
The dark side of fame, the darkness within ourselves, the darkness of society. Juxtaposed with the beauty of being able to touch so many lives, the light within us all, and the beauty in the imperfection of a world made of imperfect people. Dive in, and immerse yourself in a brutally honest tale of a vagabond who allowed us all to live vicariously through him.
Brett Garten, Movie Extraordinare 