Brett Garten, Movie Extraordinare
Cinematic Sommelier
6.9
Get ready to get uncomfortable. And be uncomfortable until the credits roll. A film that beautifully encapsulates the pain of family/church functions. Especially when your booty calls all show up to the same party. Awkward…
Sharp script, witty dialogue, well-framed shots. It plays like a play. Just the right amount of claustrophobia to keep you on the edge of your seat and waiting to see what the next twist will be.
6.5
Where “Interstellar” and “Lord of the Flies” meet. I never thought that was going to be a combo I’d use in one of these. Also, a bit early for an on the nose commentary about society’s disintegration, as we resort to our primal instincts when overwhelmed with fear. Wild choice in release timing.
Technically speaking, a well-done action movie. Felt like a return to the glory days of YA thrillers back in the early 2010s (think Hunger Games and Maze Runner). Solid cast. Predictable story with very little nuance. A lot of weird subliminal messaging with the flashes of animal shots and water droplets or fire.
Don’t drink the blue kool aid.
6.8
In the most sarcastic tone I can muster, “I did NOT see that coming!”
As the movie shares in its conclusion, quoting Matthew 7:15, “Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.”
Simple mix-up. No way the Vatican could have known that there could be someone else named Mary… perhaps a witch who was hung, burned, her soul trapped in a doll for eternity.
For as silly as the story was on paper, it’s executed well by the cast. Some genuine moments of terrorizing tension, jump scares that made me jump, and a real emotional connection to the core cast in their struggle with the dark side. Cary Elwes is coming into his own as a bad guy since “Saw.” Cricket Brown shines as Alice, the second hearing impaired main character who is essential to the story and becomes the story’s emotional core with the fewest words almost effortlessly that I’ve seen this week. (The other being Kaylee Hottle as Gia in “Kong vs. Godzilla”)
Not amazing, not terrible. Solid horror flick that was clearly released on Good Friday for a reason.
7.9
Exactly what you want from it. No more, no less.
Short, sweet, and to the point. No cumbersome, Debbie-downer story to bog down the momentum of what you’re here to see. Strap in, and get ready to watch the giant gorilla fight a Kaiju, with just enough ordinary people story stuff to make it a movie. Beautiful cinematography, great acting by both fighters. Interesting directorial choices made in this one, especially the way that Kong and Godzilla are shot in a very human matter. They’re filmed similarly to a boxing movie, instead of the standard giant destruction machines doing their thing. For their size, they feel like very down-to-earth, relatable characters.
Best seen on the largest movie screen you can find, with the loudest sound system available. Still plays well in the safety of your living room on HBO Max.
6.5
I really don’t know where to say this one lands. I was either laughing so hard I was crying, or just that weird heavy exhale “almost laugh.” Most of this film makes absolutely no sense. It had the feel of Austin Powers in a way, but falls off the track and gets a little too sophomoric at times, where it lost me. It’s a delicate balance. The boobies song won me over every time they walked into the hotel bar. Jamie Dornan fits surprisingly well in a comedic role. The actual villain was from an entirely different movie and subtracted from the film more with each frame of runtime she took up. Barb and Star have a great chemistry, but felt like they were holding back in some scenes.
Very colorfully designed and shot film, with a less colorful storyline, executed by a moderately colorful cast of characters. Don’t ask me why, but I had this one hyped up pretty strongly in my head, and it clipped the third or fourth hurdle on its way to the finish line.
Brett Garten, Movie Extraordinare 