Brett Garten, Movie Extraordinare
Cinematic Sommelier
8.2
What the hell was that?
I definitely see why this film is a classic, and there are many aspects that have now become commonplace in horror movies, but damn. Just when you think you know what’s going on, it takes a turn deeper into the darkness. Spectacular horror directing, suspense building, and acting. Heavily influenced by the French renaissance films of old.
9.2
More snow than a Michigan snow storm…
The classic f**king tale of Tony f**king Montana! Say hello to this f**king legendary film with some of the best f**king cinematography and acting in a gangster movie this side of the f**king Godfather trilogy. Al Pacino and company f**king shine as a perfect cast to bring this based on true events story to f**king life. If you have three f**king hours to spare, this is a great f**king way to spend it if you don’t mind a little blood and a few f**king profanities sprinkled in. The acting by Pacino in Tony’s finale is something to f**king behold. Many a master classes in the art of f**king acting. F**king great soundtrack, too.
6.8
A classic b-roll heist film. Funny, oddball, and perfect for the cast. Totally forgot they filmed the heist scenes in Ludington! Turn your brain off and watch Eisenberg and Ansari kill it in the comedy department. Lowest denominator comedy at its finest.
7.2
Good lord… that got weird. Just when you think it can’t get any worse or lower the bar any further, it happens. Cat people, man… the lunacy of the exotic animal trade/polygamy world is on full display for all parts of this documentary.
Lessons learned :
1. Don’t hire a hit man to hire a hit man to kill your business nemesis.
2. Much like Ron Burgundy reads anything on the teleprompter, a tiger will eat anything covered in sardine oil.
3. A jet ski slow-mo entrance set to “eye of the tiger” can make even the biggest doofus look badass.
7.1
There’s a dick joke in there somewhere… because his banana is split between two girls… get it? Boom goes the dynamite. In the meantime, back to the review!
Relationships are messy. So is this movie. Basically a love triangle, similar to “the other woman,” but instead of seeking revenge, one of the women is trying to get rid of the other and win back her ex? All the while Zack or Cody (not sure which one) is living a pretty suite life, as 2 gorgeous ladies fight over him while trying to be friends and get revenge on him… I think. And the redheaded best friend gets the short end of every stick. And a black eye to cap off a string of bad luck. The little sister steals the show by throwing some stupendous shade at the dinner table.
Your fairly typical “summer after senior year coming of age story.” Some solid laughs and some strong heart. Also, made me really want a banana split.
Brett Garten, Movie Extraordinare 