Brett Garten, Movie Extraordinare
Cinematic Sommelier
7.2
“Godzilla Minus 1” really ruined the U.S. version of these films for me. The differences in cultural maturity and taste are so glaring now. We’ve turned a beloved Japanese figure into “Fast & Furious” with monsters. It’s popcorn flick to its core and “turn your brain off and watch the monkey fight the lizard” filmmaking at its finest. Zero stakes, zero character development, zero sense. All gas, no brakes. See it on a giant screen or in 3D if you can.
6.9
Definitely not winning any Oscars, but winning the hearts of sold out theaters on opening night for the run of the entire Poohniverse (I kid you not, that’s the name). Can’t wait for the next 10 of these!
With more budget comes more carnage, and I am here for it! Why everyone in that rave was topless is beyond me, but watching Pooh and Tigger go full Freddy Krueger pool scene from “Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy’s Revenge” was a cinematic work of art. May Pooh Bear and Art the Clown from “Terrifer” carry us into a new golden age of slashers!
8.2
I didn’t have Bohemian Grove connected death cult on my bingo card for 2024, but here we are.
David Dastmalchian and Ingrid Torelli steal the show, but that’s not to take away from anyone in this one. Everyone plays their parts to perfection, as we’re transported back to the days of the original late night wars and their attempts to distract us from a world seemingly coming apart at the seams. Behind a thin veil is a grappling with the price of fame and the lengths one will go to to achieve it. Front and center is one of the better demonic possession found footage films on the silver screen in quite some time. What I was most taken by was the world building done in such a short time. I’m not typically a fan of an exposition dump monologue to start a film, but found this one perfectly teed up what was to come. They use the late night talk show structure to build momentum towards a finale that gives the V/H/S series a run for its money. As you know, I judge a horror movie by its finale, and this one swung for the fences and connected with a fast ball right down the middle to destroy a windshield in deep left field. There wasn’t a wasted frame in the entire runtime, leaving everyone in the theater in disbelief of where they went with this one.
So lace up your robe, sharpen your ancient dagger, and get ready for a wild ride!
7.4
Through the process of obtaining my MBA, I was enlightened with terminology for so many things in the business world that I had known the intricacies of but had never had a term for… like a PDSA Cycle or Gemba Walk.
Finally! Leave it to Silent Bob to coin a term for the age old self destructed relationship that one posthumously idealizes and therefore chases with great fervor – we’re chasing Amy.
Unlike George Costanza, Ben Affleck convinces Alyssa to switch teams in the opposite direction, convincing her to join the ball and bat club… only to then stick his bat in a woodchipper on account of an all-time case of the yips. His perfect game, ruined by a wild pitch in the bottom of the ninth. At least he had some content to keep his comic book illustration career afloat as a result of his dumbassed decisions in love. Some of us blog about movies.
This was a surprisingly humorous and realistic tale of love, friendship, conflict, and the messiness of life that I really enjoyed finally catching up on! A well-done recommendation from a friend.
7.4
In the “Hangover” spawned cinematic universe of bro-pics… I guess we all have an explanation now behind why John Cena was naked at the Oscar’s and started an Onlyfans.
What I didn’t expect was how many genuine laughs I’d experience and how much true heart they’d drop on the viewer like an absolute BOMB in the third act. There was actually a lot to learn from this 2 hours of insanity. I’m glad to see Zac Efron got to loosen up a big after “The Iron Claw.” Speaking of hand gestures, make sure you self-reflect on your public speaking skills, in order to avoid a missed self-destruction the likes of “air dicking.” Sit back, turn your brain and sense of decency off, and enjoy the ride!
Brett Garten, Movie Extraordinare 