Brett Garten, Movie Extraordinare

“The Unholy”

By Brett_G on April 6, 2021April 5, 2021

6.8

In the most sarcastic tone I can muster, “I did NOT see that coming!”

As the movie shares in its conclusion, quoting Matthew 7:15, “Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves.”

Simple mix-up. No way the Vatican could have known that there could be someone else named Mary… perhaps a witch who was hung, burned, her soul trapped in a doll for eternity.

For as silly as the story was on paper, it’s executed well by the cast. Some genuine moments of terrorizing tension, jump scares that made me jump, and a real emotional connection to the core cast in their struggle with the dark side. Cary Elwes is coming into his own as a bad guy since “Saw.” Cricket Brown shines as Alice, the second hearing impaired main character who is essential to the story and becomes the story’s emotional core with the fewest words almost effortlessly that I’ve seen this week. (The other being Kaylee Hottle as Gia in “Kong vs. Godzilla”)

Not amazing, not terrible. Solid horror flick that was clearly released on Good Friday for a reason.

“Godzilla vs. Kong”

By Brett_G on April 5, 2021April 5, 2021

7.9

Exactly what you want from it. No more, no less.

Short, sweet, and to the point. No cumbersome, Debbie-downer story to bog down the momentum of what you’re here to see. Strap in, and get ready to watch the giant gorilla fight a Kaiju, with just enough ordinary people story stuff to make it a movie. Beautiful cinematography, great acting by both fighters. Interesting directorial choices made in this one, especially the way that Kong and Godzilla are shot in a very human matter. They’re filmed similarly to a boxing movie, instead of the standard giant destruction machines doing their thing. For their size, they feel like very down-to-earth, relatable characters.

Best seen on the largest movie screen you can find, with the loudest sound system available. Still plays well in the safety of your living room on HBO Max.

Comedy

“Barb & Star Go To Vista Del Mar”

By Brett_G on March 29, 2021

6.5

I really don’t know where to say this one lands. I was either laughing so hard I was crying, or just that weird heavy exhale “almost laugh.” Most of this film makes absolutely no sense. It had the feel of Austin Powers in a way, but falls off the track and gets a little too sophomoric at times, where it lost me. It’s a delicate balance. The boobies song won me over every time they walked into the hotel bar. Jamie Dornan fits surprisingly well in a comedic role. The actual villain was from an entirely different movie and subtracted from the film more with each frame of runtime she took up. Barb and Star have a great chemistry, but felt like they were holding back in some scenes.

Very colorfully designed and shot film, with a less colorful storyline, executed by a moderately colorful cast of characters. Don’t ask me why, but I had this one hyped up pretty strongly in my head, and it clipped the third or fourth hurdle on its way to the finish line.

Action Blockbuster Uncategorized

“Nobody”

By Brett_G on March 28, 2021

8.5

Turns out Saul Goodman never needed Mike to be his enforcer after all. Also turns out that Doc Brown was sandbagging it when he was taken out by Libyan terrorists in the parking lot of the Twin Pines mall that fateful night in 1985.

Everything about this film is beautiful—the soundtrack, the stunt choreography, the script… all well refined and expertly executed. A tight hour and a half runtime keeps this film from getting bogged down by unnecessary plotlines or extraneous scenes. Of course, it’s the Russians causing a ruckus. Of course, he’s going to go full John Wick, kick-ass, and take names. However, this movie does what I love to call subtle exposition better than most action flicks I’ve seen of late. The backstory isn’t just dumped on the audience but slowly exposed throughout the film without you even knowing it’s happening as a member of the audience.

Extremely well done. Well worth a watch!

Horror/Thriller Shudder

“Slaxx”

By Brett_G on March 25, 2021March 22, 2021

6.2

At least your ass will look good in the jeans they’ll have to bury you in. Sisterhood of the killer pants. Unbearable characters whose deaths you root for because they’re terrible people. A ridiculous premise that leads to some hilariously horrifying hijinks within the Aeropostale knock-off that’s under lockdown… for a new product release… for some reason? Don’t expect it to make much sense. Do expect some solid laughter at the absurdity. Turn your brain off and watch the deadly denim do its thing.