Cinematic Sommelier
6.2
It’s just like every other buddy cop movie… except… he’s… a zombie! *shocked face*
Pure 80’s. You can’t greenlight this without a Scarface sized pile of cocaine coursing through your veins. It’s a thing of beauty. More quips than a Marvel movie. Cheesy special effects. Turn your brain off and enjoy.
6.1
Who uses a power drill? Did they run out of machetes and every other useful weapon at the hardware store this wannabe Michael Myers was shopping at prior to his murderous rampage? I mean, for the sake of efficiency, he at least is smart enough to target a slumber party. Classic trashy slasher flick. Laughed through most of it at the absurdity, and left entertained.
7.7
Yes, they should have. But they didn’t, so here we are.
A biblical psychological thriller about sin catching up with you, purgatory, hell. 6 circles of Hell with Kevin Bacon. He’s definitely not dancing footloose in this one. A great performance by him as the lead, a widower with a dark secret dating a woman young enough to be his daughter. A fact that he somehow glosses over, and gets angry about way too often. Like, dude, it’s pretty obvious there’s a huge age gap here.
Anyhow, back to the murder house. Hopefully you’re caught up on your geometry and have a solid grasp on reality, because this film is going to mess with your mind with camera tricks, sets that don’t match up, and illusions that will result in a 45 minute “what the hell is going on here?!?” head tilt. Be careful of renting that house on AirBnB that seems like too good of a deal.
6.3
The most uncomfortable erection since “Anchorman.” Overall, an… interesting coming of age story. Not as raunchy, but just as cringe-worthy as the trailer suggests. Mike’s sister from “Stranger Things” continues her awkward streak all the way to bible camp. This is what happens when there are no new films in theaters, and those films usually buried in the iTunes store rise to the top of the suggested page.
4.5
No, not the kickass Bruce Lee one. The boring, lazy wannabe original horror film.
I feel like they were going for something entertaining and original, but it just ended up being laughable. I ended up laughing more than anything. Thankfully, the runtime was short. Only a little over an hour of my life I can never get back.
Brett Garten, Movie Extraordinare 